WERE THE WORLD MINE
Directed by Tom Gustafson
Produced by Tom Gustafson, Krueckeberg & Peter Sterling
Written by Gustafson & Cory James Krueckeberg
Released by Wolfe Video
USA. 96 min. Not Rated
With Tanner Cohen, Wendy Robie, Judy McLane, Zelda Williams, Jill Larson, Ricky Goldman & Nathaniel David Becker
 

It’s not easy being the only openly gay teen at an all-boys private high school. So it’s possible to overlook that our protagonist, Timothy (Tanner Cohen), is sullen and selfish. His favorite activities seem to be moping with his friends and fighting with his mother, a single parent. We don’t see him do much else—until his grinning enchantress of a drama teacher (Twin Peaks alumni Wendy Robie) casts him as Puck in his school’s musical production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I don’t mean that in this moment he realizes his true talent and nothing else matters, or that he feels confident enough to be proud of his identity now that Ms. Tebbit believes in his talents. I mean that he discovers the play’s recipe for a love potion while rehearsing his lines, which briefly brightens his mood.

Tim’s love juice stings almost everyone by the end of the film. The twist? He uses it to turn everyone gay. The coach begins stalking the principal. Tim’s mother, Donna (Judy McLane), is chased around town by her employer (Jill Larson from All My Children), a Mary Kay-like hawker who formerly felt Donna was beneath her. And Tim accidentally snags his close friend, Max (Ricky Goldman), to fall for him, even though Max is otherwise in love with their other friend, Frankie (Zelda Williams, daughter of Robin Williams).

Were the World Mine is also a musical, where most of the songs revolve around Timothy and his ultimate jock crush, Jonathon (Nathaniel David Becker), the hottest and nicest of all the boys at Tim’s school and one of the first to fall victim to his love potion. The pop score by Jessica Fogle, with lyrics by Cory James Krueckeberg with an assist from Shakespeare, sounds like Rufus Wainwright crooning with an overemphasis on repeating the refrain. But it’s hard to swallow gleeful dance numbers touting emotional platitudes from two-dimensional characters.

After being gay for a day, everyone decides that it’s okay. That’s as close to character development as you’re going to see here. On one hand, the film’s more engaging than most gay teen dramas, but there’s so very little in the way of plot, and the main protagonist couldn’t be less uninspiring. Even the inherent camp of a gay teen musical within a gay teen musical falls flat, more sentimental than sizzling. Zachary Jones
June 7, 2009