DISTRICK 13: ULTIMATUM
Directed by Patrick Alessandrin
Written & Produced by Luc Besson
Released by Magnet Releasing
French with English subtitles
France. 101 min. Rated R
With Cyril Raffaelli, David Belle, Philippe Torreton, Daniel Duval, Elodie Yung, MC Jean Gab’1, James Deano & Laouni Mouhid dit La Fouine
 

Dear District B13: Ultimatum:

I wanted to thank you for taking me out last night. I had a nice time. However, I think we should see other movies. Don’t worry, it’s not you, it’s me.

The first time we went out, in District B13, your French accent really won me over. Your parkour action and stunts were unique and exciting, and your touch of social commentary on France’s treatment of immigrants was touching (who doesn’t like to date someone with a social conscience). We had a ton of fun together. But last night it was like you were trying to be someone different, showing off like you were someone more suave, more important, and it was a bit of a turnoff—I don’t even think I know who you are anymore.

I understand the need to go bigger on a second date, but it was really your parkour, your acrobatic, environment-utilizing “how-did-he-do-that” stunts that initially attracted me to you. Replacing that with wirework and obviously edited stunts was like watching Jackie Chan’s later films, where he’s no longer doing the amazing death-defying acrobatics for real—he’s still amusing, but the magic is gone, and you start to question whether any of the stunts are real. That’s not to say that our Ultimatum date was all bad—we had some good times. Some of your set pieces and car stunts were fun. Your leads (Cyril Raffaelli as Damien and parkour inventor David Belle as Leïto) still make an entertaining team, and the decision to take the action from the outskirts into Paris proper added something nice. But it was like you were trying too hard to make it such an event that it overshadowed many of your first-date charms.

Plotwise, I was looking forward to something original this time, but you gave me a government plot to get the crime-ridden B13 slums bombed so a shining new city could be built. Again. Same as the first film. The goings-on within the district of our first date were gritty and oftentimes plausible (profit-hungry criminals replacing government services in an Escape From New Yorkish setting), but this time they went way over-the-top—with  pragmatic criminals replaced by cartoonish ethnically-stereotypical warlords, sneering defense ministers, and the sinister “Harriburton” corporation. I appreciated the scale and the relative subtlety much more the first time around, which enhanced the action and felt more natural.

And while we’re at it, you need to work out what you want to be called. Your name is District B13: Ultimatum. But in the subtitles, the district itself was sometimes called District 13, sometimes B13, but mostly shortened to D13. I understand that you’re seeing other countries and translations can get weird. You can call yourself anything you want, but try to do it consistently.

I really hope we can keep in touch and still be friends. Maybe this is just a phase, like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and we can see where we both are in the future and maybe hook up for some more uproarious fun.  In the meanwhile, I’ll watch District B13 again on Netflix streaming. And we’ll always have Paris.

Your Friend,

Douglas Y
February 5, 2010