OPEN HOUSE
Directed: Dan Mirvish.
Produced by: Stephen Israel, Lawrence Maddox & Dan Mirvish.
Written by: Dan Mirvish & Lawrence Maddox.
Director of Photography: Yasu Tanida.
Edited: Scott Adderton, Jeff Malmberg, Laurance Messier.
Released by: Wellspring.
Country of Origin: USA. 96 min. Not Rated.
With: Hedy Burress, Jerry Doyle, James Duval, Kellie Martin, Sally Kellerman, Ann Magnuson & Anthony Rapp.

To all real estate enthusiasts, you've found your musical: In an idyllic suburb, thief Dave (Jerry Doyle) hides out, masquerading as a doctor, in an open house. A young house-shopping couple (James Duval and Kellie Martin) steal knickknacks from one open house only to put it in another, and inadvertently steal the looted diamonds, sending Dave on a wild goose chase after them, pursued by a pair of philandering cops.

Unless you find real estate hilarious, it's hard to get in on the joke. The film becomes especially tedious as the characters sing, yet again, about houses. A low budget affair, there is no pomp and circumstance to distract from the completely ludicrous plot. But what the low budget really translates to is bad singing. Most of the musical numbers are sung inside spacious, echoing rooms, accentuating the fact that none of the cast can really sing. The poor sound quality does not help, either. It just gets worse during the ensemble numbers. Harmony is not exactly part of the actors' vocabulary.

But Open House does have its moments. While many of the one-liners liberally doled out fall flat, a few hit the target. When asked by his partner and mistress Gloria (Hedy Burress) why they can't rendezvous for some one-on-one frisking, police officer Ron (Robert Peters) says - with a straight face - he has to be with his wife and kids, "We're going to see Jeffrey in his school play. They're doing The Vagina Monologues." And Sally Kellerman is hilarious as the lush real estate agent Marjorie Milford, who has a penchant for offering potential home buyers drinks in the most inappropriate of situations. After this movie, it's hard not to take her up on the offer. Molly Eichel
November 30, 2005